My desk is a total mess. I have many many projects (most of them small) in "process" or started but not finished, or on my desk as an idea and not even started. But sometimes they pay off....
Today I spent some time looking for $3542.00 that I know belongs to me but don't know where to find it...or didn't know where to find it. I got a call from a woman who specializes in "finding" lost money for people who own stock or have bank accounts or other assets that they have somehow become "separated from" and lost track of. Now you are probably wondering how someone could LOSE $3542.00. Easy. The post office did not forward the correspondence from this company whose stock I own, and the company would not let me update the address due to some crap concerning proof of ownership. I had tried repeatedly to get the address updated with no luck. Anyway, the stock became "abandoned" in the eyes of the law. So I had a choice of paying this woman 25% of the $3542.00 to get the stock back to me, or I could find it myself.
So I went to work on that. I figured if she could find it, I could, too. Took a few hours and some frustration, but I think I found it. I found SOMETHING that belongs to me that is "in excess of $50.00". I have to do some paperwork to see if that is in fact the $3542.00. I am pretty sure it is. Not a bad day's work.
So what does missing money have to do with weight? Stress, stress, stress. Frustration, discouragement, guilt. Feeling stupid. All the emotional bullshit that ends up being triggers for me to eat and eat and eat.
I have accomplished incredible things in my lifetime, in my opinion. I have endured innumerable disappointments. I have been emotionally bruised and abused countless times. I still I have persevered. But at a horrible cost: I eat to cover my sorrows.
Today I had cereal with skim milk for breakfast. I added a packet of Sweet N Low, a teaspoon of flaxseed, and several dried cranberries to the bowl. And I stopped at one bowl!! Normally, I would have eaten at least two bowls -- just to use up all the milk in the bowl -- but I threw out the milk that was left. Looked like I threw out most of the flaxseed and the cranberries with the milk (guess I forgot to stir while I ate...) but that is okay.
Worked through lunch until around 2:30 when I had an apple and some peanut butter. I LOVE peanut butter with fruit! Cannot have it on bananas since learning that bananas have a high sugar content, so now I have an apple a day with peanut butter.
Then I went to meet a girlfriend for our weekly chat/get together. We meet once a week to catch up, bitch about our husbands, whine to each other, laugh, cry, talk about new stores in the area -- whatever happens to be on our minds. And we have a piece of pie. We started this months ago, and we call it going out for dessert.
I went to the restaurant with good intentions.... coffee only.
Didn't work. I folded like a worn out umbrella. When my friend ordered pie, I followed. I did not eat all of it, but I ate more than I should.
On the other hand, I say what the hell. I work my butt off in the water for at least an hour every day, and I should be able to have one small piece of pie a week and not feel like I blew my weight program. Dang!
I keep thinking I might be a tad thinner, but each time I get on the scale, it tells me a different story. I hate it I hate it I hate it!!!! So frustrating. I weigh myself every day, hoping the weight will drop. But it doesn't. I have a Weight Watcher scale, so I know it is accurate. With the exception of the weekly piece of pie, I have given up sugar. I NEVER eat a piece of candy or taste a cookie here at home. I turn down desserts when I go out to dinner with others or to their homes. I have virtually eliminated bread from my diet. I watch my carb intake very closely. So what is the problem????
It must be my messy desk.
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