Screwing Up Big Time

Crap!  I really screwed up tonight: I ate five (FIVE!!!) cornbread muffins.  Stupid stupid stupid.

I made bean soup this afternoon and made the corn muffins to go with the soup.  I made 12 muffins, since my sister and her husband were here for dinner, plus my husband, and I planned to send some soup and muffins to a friend and her husband.  That is two muffins each, right?

I ate my two muffins for dinner with my bean soup, and it was all wonderful.  I was proud of myself for not taking a second bowl of soup.  I sent four muffins to my friends, and yet, somehow, after everyone was finished with dinner, there were five muffins left in the basket.  I KNEW as I put them in a plastic bag that I should have thrown them out.  I KNEW I was going to eat them.  Damn damn damn.  Stupid of me.  Now I will have a horrible weigh-in in the morning and will have to work my ass off to take off the calories I managed to put on tonight. 

There are times I wish I were anorexic; I wish I could put my finger down my throat and bring up all my screw-ups after the fact.

Not a whole lot I can do about it now.  I guess the lesson is don't make the damn bread in the first place!  I have been doing absolutely wonderful in terms of not eating the wrong thing.  I cannot believe I allowed myself to sit there and eat and eat and eat until all five muffins were gone.  Thank God I did not add butter or jelly to them....

I don't know why this weight loss is so hard for me.  What am I missing???  I feel that if I could just see some results on the scale, it would help me so much.  I work out day after day and see NO CHANGE on the scale.  Very discouraging.

My husband told me today that I look like I have lost weight from behind.  That sounded great.  I later asked my sister if I look like I have lost weight in my rear, and she said, "Not really."  Sigh.... I guess I set myself up for that one.  No chance of getting a compliment or encouragement from her.  And that is interesting....not sure what is going on. 

I HAVE to keep working my program.  Going to the pool every day.  Working hard doing water aerobics for at least an hour.  However, I need to add something.  I should either walk for fifteen minutes before I go to the pool or work on free weights or something for 15 minutes before I do my water routine.  Something HAS to make the scale move.

Crap!

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